Eastern Europe blog

I'm looking out a first floor window of my hotel in Vienna. There's a black pigeon below in an unkempt maze of grasses and miscellaneous foliage. The bird is walking slowly through intricate clusters of green and dirt, finding it's way perfectly, each step without hesitation in search of food. It makes a full circle and walks away from the patches onto a nearby sidewalk. Suddenly in the corner of my eye I notice a buzzing object. A ladybug lands and scales the giant wall on my right. These two creatures are symbols of perfection. I could sit and watch tiny critters like these for hours, busying themselves with important taks of the moment. Time does not exist for them, only moment to moment purpose. I understand what they do. They teach me how to sing and surrender to life. How to be here now and how to live among them as a guests on this planet earth we share. When I look back on the past week of intense, often sleepless travel through the sometimes bumpy roads of eastern Europe, I smile. The flow of these days are as they should be. We had certain stretches of never ending highways where our delirium got the best of us and we became mad with silly gestures and outright bodily disgust...(peeing in empty water bottles and flatulence from hell!...to name a few). But, no matter how exhausted we were at times, the shows made all the fatigue disappear. Thanks to Robert from Prague, our driver who was a trooper and another fun companion. See you at the Tofu Palace! Also thanks to Tomas for making this tour happen. We were originally booked for just the Brutal Assault festival which was worthy in itself, yet financially not viable considering the travel and other expenses at peak season. However, Tomas wouldn't give up and within a week booked three more shows which made the journey a worthwhile and unexpectedly powerful experience. Little did we know that we would find so much support in these sometimes remote parts of eastern Europe and the old continent. I'm thoroughly grateful and inspired to see the Cynic family emerging and shining to participate with us.

Brutal Assault (Czech Republic)
The desolate landscape for this festival was epic. Brutal Assault was held in a long retired 17th century fortress, with gigantic towering war torn brick walls and secret tunnels. I had this strange guitar sound dilemma that there wasn't time to correct, it was frighteningly dry and clean. We went ahead and had a killer show...felt like the loudest response yet to Evolutionary Sleeper. Thank you Tomas and Lenka again for the festival, surprise and pleasure to see Harry all the way from Athens. I would like to note the package handed to me by a security guard of delicious Indian sweets and a wise conscious letter signed from an anonymous monk who did not leave his name...metta my brother, thanks also to soundman Rob and hello to Gorerotted man, Black Dahlia guys, Soulfly, fun to hang again like the old days with Malevolent Creation and of course to fellow alien Brett Caldas-Lima who ran sound for the tour and joined us for Uroboric Forms on this night.

Maximum Rock (Romania/Transylvania)
This festival was held at the Cluj-Napoca airport strip. The show was almost cancelled due to massive rain storms, (the night before was cancelled). One fan mid-Uroboric got up on stage and started head- banging and dancing around. He was ecstatic. I think he kissed my cheek mid-vocal. Most of the people seemed gentle, introverted and emotional. The show was fun. Although our visit was brief, we did get to see a Roman Orthodox cathedral in the town square which was beautiful. Interesting to see so many elderly women clothed in black gowns as if permanently mourning. I was told it's an old tradition for widows.Thanks Nelu and his helpful assistant. Nice to see kind Mateo again in his homeland, whom we saw at a couple other shows. On our way out we drove through some poor little villages. One after another. It was interesting to see how enclosed the facades to these structures were...I'm guessing as a form of protection. I saw many smart homeless street dogs. They're everywhere, like pedestrians checking out traffic flow before crossing streets. A bit sad to see so many strays, but somehow they make there way. Out hotel was near a gigantic cemetary. Morning after the show I went into the graveyard and had an emotional and deep meditation on impermanence.

Belgrade (Serbia)
The most electrifying energy I've felt in a room. This place was on fire!!! Sold out club. The fans were louder than the band at times. I never heard such a loud chorus of voices singing Veil Of Maya! Something about these more intimate spaces concentrates energy and amplifies the whole vibe. We fed off this current like live wires bouncing off the ceiling. Thank you for the gigantic 'WELCOME TO SERBIA CYNIC' banner in the classic Focus font....well done! Awesome gigantic Cynic billboard just outside the venue. Walked thru the town, saw a big stray dog population again. Our hotel was near some great parks and cultural centers. Belgrade fortress was cool. Great interview after the show. Thanks to the internet, much of the room knew Evolutionary Sleeper. This show was like a dream...magical energy on this night. Thank you fans of Serbia. We look forward to coming back. I think we're still buzzing from that show. Played Veil Of Maya 2x! Hugs to Branko and Marina...you two are delightful.

Budapest (Hungary)
I didn't know what was in store for Budapest because of the last minute booking. To my surprise we had a full house and a great show. Kultiplex is a really cool complex with a night club, concert hall, restaurant. We met tons of interesting and kind humans. You guys have fierce enthusiasm! I would like to spend more time in Budapest in the future, seems like a very cool Paris like bohemian city. Thank you Marton for the excellent photos. Good to see you again Fred. Brett came up and joined in on the brutals for How Could I which was a blast. We loved the vibe here and were pleasantly surprised by the show...nice ending to the tour.


Frank Zappa said humans are only good at one thing, killing each other. The Buddha said, there's no hope for the human race as a whole, and only a small percentage will awaken, Gandhi said you must be the change you wish to see in the world. Makes a lot of sense to work harder on ourselves. Do good work, love more, care more, then look in the mirror honestly and repair oneself, then let go. It's crying our eyes out and also accepting what is. Fierce loneliness, independence, and togetherness at the same time. We keep paddling upon the clouds, but don't forget to touch the earth. Words of gratitude, love and respect to Cynic fans of eastern Europe and beyond. We're here for you and more inspired than ever by your response... ;-)

Check out integralinstitute.org (Ken Wilber's vision and organization).

Paul

AN Live Club

We arrived into Athens and got much needed sleep after again pulling an all-nighter. The next morning Chris and I made our way to the Acropolis. We walked the entire grounds above and below, and took some pictures near many of the ancient monuments. I told Chris that since we arrived into Athens something felt familiar. I knew this city in some odd way. After our visit, I returned to the hotel just in time for an interview. The two kind gentlemen who interviewed Sean and I informed me that when visiting the Acropolis, I went unknowingly to the place where Diogenes lived. He was the original Cynic, and from where the name was born. The tour was cosmically complete! When Diogenes was asked "where are you from?" he would respond, "I'm a cosmopolitan". A word he originally coined and defined as "to be a citizen of the universe". I love that answer and completely connect with it. The density of that perspective alone is enough for me to have huge respect for Diogenes and his teachings. No boundaries. He was going around saying happiness is an internal experience. The outside has no true bearing on our ultimate peace and sanity. He forfeited all his possessions, basically living homeless as a beggar. I'm not sure that his ways (some of which being very extreme) were for everyone, but there are some gems in his teachings that represent the best of universal wisdom.

Many years ago I was given a book by Jospeh Campbell titled 'The Hero With A Thousand Faces', which eventually led me to the epic 'The Power of Myth'. He's a tremendously influential writer. I've found a lot of inspiration for lyrical ideas and just good psychology over the years from him and other myth interpreters that come from the Carl Jung 'archetype' school. Over time, I read all the books of the author Robert Johnson who also uses Jungian psychology to interpret Greek Myth. Johnson tells us why myth is so important to us as humans. It's the truest, clearest records of ourselves. When a myth is passed on from one generation of storytellers to another, it should ultimately get refined and slowly given it's truest shape. Outside of meditation, I've found tremendous metaphorical insight into our complex nature as humans within Johnson's work. The inspiration for 'The Eagle Nature' was taken directly from one of his books titled 'She'. This book explores the myth of Psyche and Cupid. Basically Johnson explains how the feminine nature of a human must go through certain rites of passage in order to develop fully. In the book, Psyche is assigned four tasks by Aphrodite. Failure to complete any of the tasks before nightfall will result in death. The tasks include collecting golden fleece from rams, filling a crystal goblet with water from the river Styx (The Eagle Nature inspiration), sorting a pile of many different seeds, and collecting a cask of beauty ointment from Persephone, goddess of the underworld. Johnson explains how each of these tasks represents an evolution in a woman's life (gathering the fleece as acquisition of a bit of masculinity necessary to survive in the world, choosing one of the many seeds a man gives to a woman to begin the miracle of birth, the single goblet of water from Styx as focusing on a single item at once from the vast choices in the universe). Years later I read Robert Johnson's moving memoir 'Balancing Heaven and Earth'. I highly recommend this book as your first introduction to the man behind this work, if you haven't read anything else. Truly inspiring.

'An Club' in Athens has a historical punk rock club vibe. If these walls could speak! I sensed a cool music scene with many spirited beings. The show was stirring and poignant. Without getting too caught up in the impermanence of this little tour, I couldn't help but feel a bit melancholic as we reached the end of what has been a dream-like reunion. Another packed room with loving intimate vibrations throughout the night. Contest winner Costas was a sweet and tender sprit who came up and delivered killer vocals on Uroboric Forms. I'm left with a heart full of gratitude for all the generosity and reciprocation we felt on those stages. Thanks to Harry and friend for all the assistance and for an unforgettable final date to our western European trek...and to Andy, Lauren, Marlene, Mike, Brett, Simon, Mahasukha, the bands, and everyone that lent a helping hand along the way. Also thanks a million to the readers of this blog for your patience and allowing me to indulge in my own journal like thoughts and entries. I feel safe here. Much warmth to each and every fan that appeared with open hearts to these shows and gave so much of themselves.
We love you. Stay tuned...

Paul

AN Live Club set list

Veil Of Maya

Celestial Voyage

The Eagle Nature

Sentiment

I'm But A Wave To...

Evolutionary Sleeper

Textures

Uroboric Forms

Meeting Of The Spirits

Cosmos

How Could I

Evolution Fest

We pulled an all-nighter driving from Switzerland to Florence. Sean was at the wheel, and I remember lying on the back bed peering out a tiny portion of window, taking in these epic vistas of forests, mountains, bodies of water and clouds as the sun rose...a truly breathtaking landscape. I highly recommend the road trip!

At the next gas fill up, Sean needed rest so Chris took over driving duties. We arrived into the city and nearly got lost again (like London) on it's tiny roads. Our big blue sprinter was not meant for these streets either. Chris parked us in front of a pizza shop, and the boys helped themselves to some food. Mike and I walked down a narrow little road eventually opening up to a busy village with an endless array of stunning renaissance and classical architecture. Goth and Romanesque structures are like temples to me. I'm a fan of modern architecture too, but it's just a joy to take in these old buildings and cathedrals that were so painstakingly built like works of art. There's also many beautiful sculptures that embody the human form around the city. The artistic shakti in Florence is potent! This is the town where the great Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo studied. I occasionally rent a gigantic book on the work of da Vinci from the local library and just spend days absorbing the images...always in a da Vinci phase..he was truly a citizen of the universe. The streets of Florence are filled with all kinds of aesthetic archetypes that are just standards in the collective human psyche. Forms and shapes that have been permanently woven into the gigantic fabric that embodies the Western world's plethora of classical designs. Firenze feels unmistakably European with an artistic cred that rivals nearly all the cities of Europe.

We finally made our way to the venue from the center and were amazed at the absolute freedom and randomness with which people drive. Scooters and cars everywhere; there are no lanes, it's literally a free for all most of the time, and you either join the club and go with the flow of the madness, or you have an accident. I sensed that Sean (who was back at the wheel) immediately tuned into the fearless driving ethic needed and took hold of the road. We approached a circle where we had to make a quick turn and bumped a racing biker with our rear view window. He was jarred, but not harmed. As we braked at the next intersection he rode up to our window and began yelling at us in Italian. When we drove off, Brett brilliantly remarked, "I think he said have a good show". We had a nice laugh. The perfect positive statement to lighten the tension and healthily put our minds on what was most important: our approaching performance.

We eventually made it to the outdoor Evolution Festival grounds and immediately began preparations for stage time. The Italians are voracious, determined and passionate souls. A first Italy show for Cynic! We thankfully performed a solid set for these tremendously loving and appreciative fans. I noticed that Italians in particular like contact. They want to look in your eyes and connect. I appreciate that kind of intense directness from people. Nothing hidden. Contest winner Giaccomo joined us onstage for Uroboric Forms and belted some wicked brutals, grazie! After the show, the band sat down on a picnic bench near the side of the stage and we signed autographs and took pictures with hundreds of kind fans. Much love to Evolution Festival for another amazingly memorable afternoon. We look forward to coming back and performing again. Please send in your photos to our web pages.

Great to finally meet you Tiziano and thanks to all the nice people who helped with our gear and getting everything setup before and after the show. Also thank you for the two excellent interviews. Much love to Italia for the support and the memories. I leave with three quotes from Leonardo da Vinci.

--------------------

For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.

--------------------


Paul

Evolution Fest set list

Veil Of Maya

Celestial Voyage

The Eagle Nature

Sentiment

I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper

Textures

Uroboric Forms

Cosmos

How Could I

Bad Bonn

Another deja vu! Although last time we played Bad Bonn in '93, it was in a tent. Hard to forget this little venue in the middle of a giant open field. Beautiful and spacious are what comes to mind when thinking of this enchanted land. Switzerland has a true mixed quality to it. Being close to the German, French and Italian borders, you get an interesting combination of Swiss hybrids that often speak a combination of two to four languages depending on what part of Switzerland you're in.

Bad Bonn may very well be the smallest venue we played on this tour, but in a good way. Somehow the contrast of a larger venue gig to this puts certain things in perspective. Direct communication is what I'm trying to say. A non-verbal language takes place at any concert as a musician trying to be the vehicle for the sound that emanates. What's great about a Bad Bonn is that you're so intimate that one almost feels like you're playing in a living room for a bunch of friends. The house packed a mighty roar considering it's intimate size.

For some reason this old story has just come to my mind. A boy was walking down a beach where a bunch of starfish got stranded and left on the shore due to an aggressive low tide. He was throwing them back into the sea one by one, so that they would have a chance to live. Another person walks up to him and says "Why are you bothering with this? You're wasting your time. It won't make a difference, you'll never be able to save all these thousands of stranded starfish, there's too many". The boy replies by picking up another starfish and saying "It makes a difference to this one", as he throws it back into the sea. He then grabs another and says "And this one too". The boy continues on doing what he can, rescuing one starfish at a time. I understand why I'm sharing this story now. Sometimes the big picture of life seems futile and beyond us as individuals. We are so tiny in the face of the universe and yet we forget how significant one soul is in the face of millions. I truly believe every person has a greater purpose that contributes to the infinite collective energy ball that is life. No one goes unnoticed. We all matter and we all make a difference. Then how can there be so much greed, so much cold indifference, so much suffering? It's because this is the place we come to heal, and everybody doesn't take the responsibility for the healing they took birth for. And it may be that some people don't even consider it until they find that they may be dying soon. What a journey life is!

Danke shan, merci beaucoup, grazias people of Switzerland. Nice to be back at Bad Bonn!


Paul

Bad Bonn set list

Veil Of Maya

Celestial Voyage

The Eagle Nature

Sentiment

I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper

Textures

Uroboric Forms

Meeting Of The Spirits

Cosmos

How Could I

Le Nouveau Casino

Sorry about the delay with the other blogs. My email was down and although these blogs were written within days of the show, I didn't get around to sending them till now!

Paris feels poetic. Kind of like a romantic storybook filled with impressionistic paintings. I haven't spent long enough periods of time here to escape my fairy tale vision of this beautiful city. When we arrived to Le Nouveau Casino, I was impressed with the size and design of this cool club. Old meets new style with a good stage and sound system.

I'm so humbled and pleased to be given so much love and passion from the fans of France. They don't hold back and gave us their all. Who needs a soundcheck when there's this much love in a room? As much as I want everything to be in it's right place when we get onstage, the notion of that idealism becomes less and less critical in the face of performance. I suspect a recurring theme on my blog's about surrender. About letting go and trusting when performing. I raise the issues in order to find a way to release them.

We rolled through the full 11 song set with equal enthusiasm, bouncing off each other's energy. From the stage I remember intense light flickering and a flurry of changing colors. After catching a moment of a Youtube clip, I realize the light guy really went for it and gave us the full discotheque treatment. Brett from Kalisia helped run sound for this show and also came onstage for the death vocals on Uroboric Forms. He's a kind soul and will be coming along with us for the next couple of shows. There's an American (or English) saying "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched". For me, this is a basic spiritual truth. Meaning, let things be what they are and stay in the present. Don't be so result oriented and just let matters unfold as they should. The universe will always find a way for you even when all hope seems lost. In some ways, hope is a dangerous thing. Trying to control matters and outcomes is usually a waste of energy. It can be incredibly difficult to apply this thinking in the face of an urgent high pressure situation, but just the simple reminder is enough for me to lose a bit of the charge that can sometimes weigh heavy when life matters seem out of order. According to Viktor Frankl, in his magnificent book, 'Man's Search For Meaning', hope is sometimes what kept the Jews alive in the concentration camps. He noted that those that gave up usually died within days, while those that had something to look forward to (outside of the camp), carried on. Just before our Frankfurt show we had a couple of days off in Amsterdam, where I visited the sparse and transparent Anne Frank Museum House. For me, it was another reminder about the power of human dignity and spirit in the face of absolute madness. Finding sanity when the ground below us is crumbling is perhaps the most spiritual thing we can do. I guess these examples would be the flip-side to hope that works.

On our way out of Paris the morning after the show, I got a chance to run into The Père Lachaise cemetery and catch a glimpse of it's old grandeur. I was amazed to see how packed that place is with dramatic and large tomb stones. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time hanging around a cemetery in Glendale, Ca called Forest Lawn. It's one of my local haunts, and I usually make a point of bringing special people in my life to visit it. The cemetery is setup like a spacious park with rolling green hills. They have a private little section off one of it's high swirling roads called 'The Mystery Of Life' which contains a secret garden. At the rear of the garden is this large white statuary group with about eighteen different people. Some are communicating with each other, others are in their own 'space' looking outward or inward. The people represent the various types of personalities humans encompass. From the young couple who found the meaning of life through their first love, to the unresolved questioning philosopher deep in thought. There's also the religious person (who found meaning through God), the narcissist, the poet, the child, etc.. At the bottom of the statue there is an explanation telling the story of each of the people. At the bottom of the statue a big question is asked: Which one are you? Is life steering us or are we steering life? Is our personality formed unconsciously by our experiences are we able to form it through our own will? Undoing layers and years of life programming is no easy task. Truly changing may be the hardest thing in the world to do. Having spent time with many people in their last months, days and hours of life, I often see people go through that dilemma of wondering what their life meant, for whom it was for and who they were as people. Some humans just give of themselves their entire lives, to raise a family or take care of others. While there are those who never even consider another person throughout their life. When I hear fans telling me that Focus helped them through a difficult time, or their life is better because of it, I feel grateful for the music that saved me through my own personal process and life journey. Music belongs to everyone. I must add Forest Lawn also contains the crypt of the beloved Paramahansa Yogananda which I make a point to visit each time I go. Something about a cemetery induces reflection, humility and a sadness that opens my heart even deeper to life. Ahh, the short and precious lives that we lead.

Thanks to Steve and Charlie from Linear Sphere for making the trek from London, great to see you guys again. Also apologies to Roxane Saadati for the confusion with the guest list, hope you had a happy birthday! And to Cesar Gutierrez who came from Peru and also gave us the hats. I'd love to come to Machu Picchu sometime. Also love to Florent for coming up from Aix en Provence, and beyond many thanks to the passionate and beautiful French fans.

Ps; thanks Sweet Silence for the backline at the show!


Paul

Le Nouveau Casino set list

Veil Of Maya

Celestial Voyage

The Eagle Nature

Sentiment

I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper

Textures

Uroboric Forms

Meeting Of The Spirits

Cosmos

How Could I

Nachtleben

Can I say Cynic fans are the coolest people in the world? Hell yes!!!
An intimate night with great energy. I felt at home and protected
among my German brothers and sisters. Nachtleben was a tiny
little space with a cafe upstairs. The opening act canceled so we
had more time than usual to setup. Again, many travelers made
their way to this gig from various parts of Germany. Another
very cool fan from Vienna made the 9 hour train trip! Later in the
night I met a fan who was also at Hellfest and had come all the
way from Australia.

Playing 10 countries in 11 shows has provided me an opportunity
to find the unique characteristics and differences among the
various cultures of each country. But I must comment on the
cohesion that I'm experiencing too. The Germans I spent time
with last night had that same universal greatness of spirit I
see at the core of all humans. I am constantly being touched by
this world with a sense of interest and tenderness. I see many
open hearts and minds that comprise the Cynic listeners. How
blessed we all are to have found each other and made a
connection on this seemingly large yet incredibly short-lived
planet we reside on. Perhaps, we should all come together and
plan a 'Celestial Cruise' across the great seas of Europe! We
can have different music each night (with various musicians),
workshops, theatre (for interesting films), and other
adventures. It can be a celebration of spirit with music at
it's foundation, while taking in the beauty of European land
and sea. Just the thought of this does the trick!

Just before we went on stage a fan showed me a ticket stub
from a Cynic/Pestilence Frankfurt show back in '94. I knew
we had been here before, but not on that tour. It must of been
a quick, play and go kind of gig. He said it was to a nearly empty
room. Thankfully shows are different this time around. I
mentioned to the audience about those days of touring when
Focus was first released. We had toured with Cannibal Corpse in
the states, which was a blast on a personal level, but not always
easy with the audiences. The scene wasn't as diverse then, and
many fans were only into extreme brutal metal. We didn't
necessarily fit into that category, further we had a female (Dana)
doing the death vocals for that tour. All the 'metal' conventions
were no longer relevant when we hit the stage and it wasn't
always a pleasant experience because of it. We never took much
of the disdain personally though, knowing that our audience
would eventually find us. All we could do was stay in process,
and stay true to what we worked so hard to create. It would just
take time, without ever really knowing how long it would be. The
statement "if you love something, set it free - if it never comes
back, it was never yours", couldn't be more true with regard
to Focus. Although, now it's come back belonging to everybody.

Nachtleben reminded of a slightly smaller version of London's
Dingwalls. Super intimate. I felt right at home when we opened
with Veil Of Maya and followed our usual flow. Although this time,
due to my gear working well, I was able to indulge further into the
opening synth guitar sequences that suggest the harmony of the
approaching song. We had fun tonight, and the interaction with the
room was comforting. I was able to spend some quality time with
some great people after the show and couldn't be more grateful for
such kindness and warm spirits.

As we proceed on this tour, my perspective continues to expand. I
feel more open and grateful to be alive. For my own reinforcement,
I'm going to quote, review and share some basic universal
Shambala truth. The phenomenal world has a fickleness and also a
merciless quality to it. You often wonder whether or not you can
ride on that fickle and merciless situation or if its going to ride on
you. It seems the more force we use to try and maneuver the
'horse' that is life the more it rides us. It becomes a struggle of
aggression and speed to overcome obstacles. We become further
subject to the phenomenal world. There's security in knowing
that the earth is always there for us to sit on. It won't disappear
below us. We can rely on the sturdiness and reliability of the earth.
The sky is always there too. We can look up and see blue, grey or
whatever color and trust in that. Also the sun is always there,
whether we see it or not. We accept that the earth is there, the sky
is blue or grey, we accept the landscape and the sea. We accept
cities, highways. Human existence is natural. It is the basic law
and order of world and it is an ideal situation. Applying a
'for or against' viewpoint to life situations only complicates the
way it is. Of course we don't let life tread on us, we go with
gentleness, observing and appreciating all the unknown's as
they appear throughout our lives. We are travelers, opening
further when life seems to tell us not to. We stop holding, and
start letting. We surrender with truth, integrity and strength.
By doing this, everyday experience becomes sacred and the
goodness in everyone's heart can be realised without doubt.

Danke to the fans of Germany. We leave your country
encouraged and inspired to continue on with the second half
of our little European tour!


Paul




Nachtleben Set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper
Textures
Uroboric Forms
Cosmos
Meeting Of The Spirits
How Could I

Hovefestivalen

First let me comment on how this 'blog' has become my journal for
the tour. Please excuse the verbose insanity that may ensue! I'm
keeping it raw and unedited for my own process and possibly
yours. Thanks for reading.


I had a lucid dream last night that this odd machine with
helicopter blades was attached to my head. I was in this old,
gigantic, wooden barn, flying around decapitating and chopping
up demons, monsters and other ghoulish creatures. I was
determined to kill them all until I woke. My first night of real
rest in Arendal, the small Norweigan town, home to
Hovefestivalen was curiously imbued with this strange vision.
Perhaps the dream was a response to my own shadows that
needed a house cleaning, not quite sure yet...

When we left Amsterdam, I had an intuition about my equipment
possibly getting lost on it's way to Kristiansand airport. I told the
guys to hold on and let me follow up to insure it's delivery onto the
plane. I asked the little man with the odd size luggage cart that
held my flight case (containing the guitar rig), if everything was
going to be ok, and he assured me with an abrupt couple of nod's.
I wasn't convinced. When we arrived into Norway all our luggage
arrived except my flight case. The next KLM plane wasn't coming
till 11pm, long after our slated show time. I filled out the necessary
paperwork to declare it's lost status and soon after were driven
straight to the festival, where load-in and soundcheck commenced.

On the long and intensely scenic drive to the festival grounds, I
prayed that if my gear was not to appear, something else would.
The silence of the surrounding mountains, forests and lakes told
me to let go and trust. To allow the universe to find a way.

For some reason, (maybe it's a survival mechanism), this situation
reminds of an early guitar teacher, who at my first lesson, handed
me an acoustic guitar with super heavy gauge strings and insanely
high action. He asked me to 'shred' on it. I was humbled and
learned a great lesson. The music and tone must come from my
hands and fingers, not the instrument. I should be able to make
music on any instrument/equipment which is merely a tool for
the greater sound a musician is trying to 'hear' or connect with
regardless of the instrument itself.

So what does not having my guitar rig mean to me? Absolutely
nothing other than adding further 'sonic' details and colors to what
should be a solid foundation. If I'm dependent on my gear, I'm in
trouble. Of course the lesson would have to be greater. I learned
Hovefestivalen would be Internationally broadcast with a live five
camera shoot! Sure, I want 'Focus' to be accurate and true to the
original work, but again the execution and playing is the sound,
not necessarily the production. To some degree all the
components work together to create 'the sound', but not now.
Breathe, surrender,  let go. Perspective, ahhh, yes. Not a big deal.
Dying of cancer or losing a limb is a much bigger deal and that's
not my dilemma today, thankfully.

Effects, guitar synths and other toys are merely a luxury and
sometimes an inspiring means for experimentation and ideas.
Ultimately, the melodies, harmonies and rhythms must stand
alone without all the production and trickery. A song must work
on a simple, energetic level. Atleast for me.

We arrived to the festival and local Norweigan band 'Keep Of
Kalessin' were sound checking. The guitar player Arnt, mentioned
he had a Boss pedal board setup similar to a POD XT Live (which
is my backup rig) as his backup and that I was welcome to use it.
I was graced!... and spent the next couple hours programming the
unit as closely as possible to something workable. I'm thankful that
it worked out and actually sounded ok. The whole situation was
admittedly a bit stressful, adding that we were on a festival rush
schedule, but once the show began, all the worries faded away.

The primarily younger Norwegian crowd was receptive and
enthused to hear Focus. A nice feeling for Cynic's debut gig in
Norway and great to be a part of Hovefestivalen's first year.
The light rain and wind enhanced the drama and again provided
a proper cleansing for all, me included!.

Hove has a true camping/collective feel. The music fans that go
to this festival, come together like a big giant family for their
summer break to chill, enjoy the surrounding beauty, soak in the
sun, rain, and appreciate an abundance of musical genres. It
seemed there was a tent/stage for nearly every style, from
hiphop and dance to metal, pop, punk, and alt rock.

Hove was our 3rd festival of the tour with Slayer on the bill,
although this time we played just before them on the main stage,
which was a full circle kind of honor. We must give Slayer the
cred of having written a style of guitar riffs and songs that has
massively influenced a couple generations of bands. In my
elementary school days, Sean and I were deep into the tape
trading scene and somehow got a hold of all of the members of
Slayer's phone numbers. I remember calling Tom Araya and
telling him Sean and I were playing Crionics as a cover in
our group. Tom says to me "oh yeah...play it!". I put the phone
down next to my little Peavey Bandit amp and did my best to
show him my earnest amateur skills. Sean and I were huge
fans of Slayer, and talking to them on the phone was really cool.
Ahhh....the days of falling asleep to Hell Awaits and scaring the
hell out of myself mid-sleep! Having watched them from stage
side at Hove opened up intimate childhood memories....hmmm
maybe my bizarre dream was related to those early Slayer-ish
visions that swalllowed me whole in my early teens. Jeff and
Kerry are the kings of chromatic frenzied solo'ing madness!

Hove was super organized. We were assigned a contact person
who was with us the entire time, ready to help with anything
we needed. The festival is held on a small island off main land
Norway's coast in the middle of a forest surrounded by a fjord.
Stunningly gorgeous. I was happy to just hang around and take
it all in when the performance was over.

The day after the show, we were taken on a scenic boat ride
around the town's rivers and into the greater ocean expanse
with light houses and massive stone island formations breaking
the water's surface. The sun was shining on our faces and we
indulged in the peace. I can't help but surrender to the power
of nature and it's grandeur when in the presence. Norway has
an immense natural landscape.
One where nature seems wiser, gentler and more open than
anything in the world.

Thanks to the entire Hove crew for all their help. Including
Torje, our band contact person, Stien and Jen for the boat
ride, Arnt for the Boss board, Andreas for the knowledgeable
and sensitive interview. Much peace to you spirit brother.
Also thanks to all the fans that traveled far and wide from
other parts of Scandinavia and beyond. Including Jack and
Simon (great to finally meet you). You are the light warrior!
I'm thankful for a great experience.
Norway is a special, special land.

Paul




Hovefestivalen set list

Veil of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
I'm But a Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper
Textures
Uroboric Forms
Cosmos
How Could I

Tilburg / 013

013 has got to be one of the coolest venues we've played yet. Great sound, wonderfully organized, nice stage. Their own kitchen with a delicious home cooked vegetarian meal from an in-house chef. Plus it doesn't hurt that we sold out the show!

We entered the stage, and I immediately felt a warmth from the audience. It took me a couple of songs to touch ground, but once I landed we soared. I sometimes forget that the most magical place to be is on the ground, looking directly at what is there, accepting, surrendering, trusting in the unknown that is life.

Great vibes all the way around tonight. I let the room dictate the space for us and we made ourselves right at home. Saw many singing along to all the Focus tracks and even Cosmos. I think the Youtube madness has also allowed people to be more familiar with the new song Evolutionary Sleeper.

The crowd was very supportive of Juan Pablo, Uroboric Forms competition winner, when he joined us onstage. He was spot on and had a natural sensibility with his brutal vocals. I had a great time meeting and conversing with an abundance of cool fans after the show.

Thank you Philippe for the cranial sacral work and for the Belgium beers. You're a gifted intuitive healer. A big hug and thank you to Ad for all his extra help and time for the past three shows, and to Raymond for coming through and engineering the shows that he could. Also thanks to the Dutch fans in general and beyond for giving back so much. I'm left with more love in my heart and gratitude for Holland and their kind support. I'm happy to be able to say that 'we're back for you' as often as possible, because it is so absolutely true!

Paul



Tilburg set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper
Textures
Uroboric Forms
Cosmos
Meeting Of The Spirits
How Could I

Nijmegen / Doornroosje

Friendly and warm, like milk and honey, the Dutch tend to have a softness about them that I connect with. A basic human goodness that is not feeble. I found that Holland is also home to many Spaniards from the South America's and beyond. Both Dutch shows had their share of my Spanish brother's and sisters. When we first arrived to Holland, Sean and Mavis quickly accomodated themselves at a local coffee shop due to their lax Mary Jane laws.

Last time we played Holland was at the Dynamo Festival in '94 and it was aperfect 1st ending for Cynic in Europe. Doornroosje at first felt like a dejavu. The spray painted walls in the back of the building looked familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Sean says "we played here before!". Another kind fan told me that he remembered the show distinctly. Later in the night, a couple more people mentioned their own personal full-circle synchronicities that took place for them at the venue, (a few ran into old friends, memories, etc..). I like the thought of Cynic bringing people together with one common bond. We added a tiny picture of Raymond (sound engineer) into the Focus reissue collage that's taken from the back of Doornroosje.

Back in '94, we performed Focus 2x here, because Pestilence had dropped off the tour and as the headliner, we were asked to play a longer set. Many others in the audience recalled that earlier show. A collection of much younger fans showed up transmitting positive vibes and fresh new energy. How encouraging to see the next generation tuning in and connecting to these songs. Local band 'Textures' opened the night. Great sounds and musicianship. Thanks for the 2nd cabinet guys.

We stretched out again playing the full set and mixing things up. I was completely relaxed yet must surrender to a looser guitar approach when I let my body dictate how the music feels, versus just studying my neck to play perfectly onstage. Mistakes become part of the raw truth of performance. Ultimately, there really are no mistakes in performance. For me, it's all about synchronizing mind and body, which is not a self improvement technique, but rather a basic principle about how to be a human being, and how to use my sense perceptions, my mind and body together. When my mind and body are synchronized I have no doubt, which for me is trusting in myself, trusting in my heart. Thank u Trungpa for sharing the innate wisdoms.

Live performance can have many different levels of consciousness associated with it. If the mind is fully present and engrossed in the music, time approaches absence. If one is self-conscious and a bit detached the connection to the audience get's lost. Obvious stuff, but a necessary simple reminder for awareness. The beauty of touring is that one get's to fine tune these subtle degrees of performance detail and grasp even deeper into that collective pool of subconcious, where magic discovers itself. We certainly had some glimpses of divination tonight. I also experienced a new learning curve that left me with one foot in and one foot out. Kind of like an LSD /Ayahuasca trip where you haven't gone so deep that you've lost your footing and yet you know you're high as hell. Curiously, it seems that my deepest moments of connection to the audience are when I'm most internal, just tuning into to the vibration of the space and losing all thoughts of self in that state...opening up the antenna.

After the show, many Human and Focus CD's popped up for signatures. Thanks to the creator's of 'Empty Words' website who were so kind to say hello after the show and to all the amazing fans who spoke from their heart and shared with us. One mother introduced her son, who said she turned Focus onto him and he onto his own son. I was blown away by this family torch passing story. Again, a reminder about how music travels, transcending time and space, always working on a deeper more mysterious level.

Paul



Nijmegen set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
I'm But A Wave To...
Evolutionary Sleeper
Uroboric Forms
Textures
Cosmos
Meeting Of The Spirits
How Could I

Dingwalls

I'm amazed to see how truly independent England is from the rest
of Europe. I've been to the UK numerous times, but only came
through on a ferry once prior, too long ago to remember. Going
through customs at the border in France to the UK was curious.
People doing their jobs and exercising their rights as humans is
the way things are. We only had photo-copies of our work permits
which they did not like. One younger British officer in particular
gave Sean a hard time. Luckily they could have made it more
difficult but we just smiled our way through.

I love London for it's incredibly complex mad design as a city.
So many little off roads and places to get lost throughout. It's
fun to get lost and have nowhere to go. Nothing to do. Just being
in presence is often enough. Ultimately, we did get lost trying to
find the venue. It's the anti-grid town, unlike New York. Our
navigation system is apparently not smart enough for London's
streets and we were short of a good map. The guys from opening
act Linear Sphere were waiting patiently for us when we arrived
a bit late to Camden Town where Dingwalls is located.

A fairly quick soundcheck and the show began. I was really
impressed with the dynamic and layered arrangements that
poured out of Linear Sphere. Very colorful guitar work and
creative writing. Those guys have obviously spent some time
on their instruments and flushing out their tunes. I think they
played 4 songs in a 45 minute set! With a teaser nod to
'Lack Of Comprehension' inserted in one section of a song.
Kudos to Charlie, Steve and Martin for their support,
kindness and help with everything. They've been around for
many years and we're happy to have finally played a show
with them.

We hit the stage, and the immediate impression was quite the
opposite from the two previous festival shows. The audience was
inches from our guitar necks and I reveled in the intimacy. I saw
many little phone cameras directly in front of me throughout the
gig. Great energy from the UK. The room was packed and I felt
a sense of urgency and expectation in the air. We have serious
fans here and they've been a strong-hold over the years.
The Cynical Sphere website was birthed from a Brit fan,
Tim Spears! Btw: Thanks for saying hello.

A musician whether he realizes or not, walks on stage and
immediately gets a 'vibe' from the room that can subtly increase or
decrease comfort levels for the performer. It's a reflective act for
the entire room in general. Energy bouncing off each other, trying
to touch ground. We're raw when we get up there and have to let
go of all expectation. When we walked out to an intensely
supportive atmosphere at Dingwalls, I was grateful. As an
audience member myself, I go to shows wanting to see the artist
pour their heart out on stage and essentially purge inner pains,
longings, hopes and fears for the room as a conduit. I got that
feeling from the people of England. They wanted us to go 'there'
and we not only did, we danced. We played our first full '
stretch-out' set of the tour, including 'Meeting Of The Spirits'
and 'Textures' which were a blast to perform live. Chris had
some beautiful moments in his Textures solo. I dug into some
old blues chops for 'Meeting' always humbly doing my best to
tune into Mclaughlin's massive aura.

At one point in the show, the immediate energy of a few audience
members threw me into a head-banging frenzy during Uroboric
Forms with some lion-maned fans in front. I'm occasionally
missing my hair for the efficiency of a good head bang or spin!
Sean has been getting slippery stick syndrome but recovers
gracefully every time. Mavis as a first instrument drummer, has
an excellent feel and pocket on guitar. Much in the same way
that Jason did. I'm really impressed with how he's uncovered
some of Jason's more esoteric moments on Focus and interpreted
them accurately. He's a disciplined cat!

Thanks to the many UK travelers who came far and wide including
Manchester, Birmingham, Glasgow, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
One show in the UK is not enough and we look forward to coming
back. Cheers and thanks for lighting the way. Cynic shines a
bright light back to you. Also, a warm thanks to the
British press for their support. Stay tuned my friends.

Paul

Dingwalls set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
I'm But A Wave To
Evolutionary Sleeper
Textures
Uroboric Forms
Cosmos
Meeting Of The Spirits
How Could I

Graspop Metal Meeting

First let me comment on the beautiful neighborhood that Dessel the home of Graspop is. Open spaces and nice homes surround the tents of this famous rock/metal festival now in it's twelveth year.

Graspop is incredibly organized. Upon our arrival down to the minute, every detail of our show was on time. We performed in Marquee 2 tent just after a Danish band called Mercenary. They're really nice guys with big melodic songs.

We headed to the stage a few minutes early and a production person approached us saying "you have to wait another 6 minutes". Sean went behind his kit to restart the intro chant that we are using as an opening mantra for all our shows. The crowd roared, assuming we were about to start again. Between the double up on the chant and the intense down pour of rain outside our tent, the crowd was cleansed, purified and ready to embrace Cynic!

Although this was another gigantic festival - hurry up and play experience, we felt more relaxed this time. We had space to get our hearts and minds in order before the show. We headed to the stage and the entire tent was packed. The people of Belgium were gracious and attentive. I saw many smiling faces, just happy to be hearing the Focus tunes again. Other's headbanging while the musicians in the audience just stare, analyzing each members fretboards. I'm one of those people! Sean's four limbs at work are an act in itself to watch.

I knew that once we launched into the opening notes of 'Veil Of Maya' the show was going to be fluid. Again, a few technical details that I could mention, but this overall performance felt solid due to the setup time. Over the years of building and deconstructing a complex midi-guitar rig, I have to surrender to the reality of stuff occasionally not going right. Tonight's issue, due to low visibility, I plugged a midi cable into an input instead of an output. As a result, my multi-fx unit didn't respond when needed and Sentiment intro didn't go as planned. Luckily Sean caught on quick and went ahead into his intro drumpiece. These kinds of mishaps are the nature of things and bound to appear. Sometimes these accidents are little treasures. We like to keep an improvisational aspect around the structure of a setlist and sometimes the improvisation forces itself upon you. Either way, one just moves forward without hesitation.

We were given a slightly longer set tonight which allowed us to change the pace and play another non-Focus track. 'Cosmos' is a big breather after the intensity of the Focus tunes. It's expansive and open sound sits well in this set as another post Cynic environment.

The guys from Children of Bodom were there to greet us after the show. Really nice people. We caught their set on another stage and enjoyed it. Super preciseneo-classical shredding between the keyboards and guitars! Later in the night we watched some of Slayer's set. I felt sixteen again! Amazing how long they've been together. I must give it to Kerry and Jeff, for those monstrous riff's that defined a generation of sound in the metal world.

My perspective is clearer now after the 2nd show. I'm more reflective about this reunion journey which is not a repeat of past efforts - all artists grow as I have grown. One of my favorite thinkers Emerson said: "Because the soul is progressive, it never quite repeats itself, but in every act attempts the production of a new and fairer whole". Here we are shaping our wholeness with a new found presence, wisdom and artistic growth. It comforts me to know that art can transcend space and time and live in it's own universe un-regulated by gravity and other human energies. Music is of the spheres, the planets, the entire universe and beyond. How lucky we are as a species that get's to embrace, enjoy and provide a sonic landscape to our short life experience, (atleast for those of us with hearing).

Thank you fans of Graspop for welcoming Cynic and creating such a comfortable warm space for us. We again confirm the value of this reunion as a present to you and to us. Cynic truly belongs to the fans now and forever.

Paul



Graspop set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
Evolutionary Sleeper
Uroboric Forms
I'm But A Wave To
Cosmos
How Could I

Hellfest

Prior to tonight the last time I performed the songs of Focus in front of an audience was July of 1994. Amazing that 13 years later we open our hearts to a sea of amazing fans and get only love in return. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful people understand the music of Cynic. I was surprised we had so many fans come from all over the world; Spain, Germany, Peru, Italy, Norway, Sweden, Greece, England, France, Venezula, Israel, Finland, Romania, Canada, and even Australia all to participate in the first Cynic show/Hellfest. Such passionate, open and courageous fans that support Cynic!

I could go on about the technical difficulties and other meaningless details that ultimately don't mean a thing in a performance. Considering the nature of festival shows, where you don't get a sound check if even a line check. It's a get on stage and go for it kind of performance. A bit nerve-wracking at first, but then I throw away all the fear and doubt and surrender to what it is. An abundance of collective human energy just being fully present, embracing the sound of music.

Cynic fans are inspiring beautiful souls that give and give. To hear them singing along in the opening chorus of Veil Of Maya made me want to stop and cry. The first bundle of songs felt absolutely surreal of preform. We did it! ....and it feels glorious. A musician must write music for themselves, but in the end if a song isn't heard by others, then it never really get's finished. I truly believe that the songs of Focus are finally being heard in the way that I dreamed of a lifetime ago when the record was being written. These songs are finally coming to life and breathing in the hearts and souls of you fans and we get some of your oxygen for taking such a long deep breath. I want to personally thank the fans for their patience, kindness, warmth and for making our first show the most rewarding, heart opening experience of a lifetime. We are here for you. I will never forget this day. Many blessings and love to you all.

Paul

Hellfest set list

Veil Of Maya
Celestial Voyage
The Eagle Nature
Sentiment
Evolutionary Sleeper (new song)
I'm But A Wave To
Uroboric Forms
How Could I